


Past the Old Bridge in the Woods

by DannyDanger



Category: HLVRAI - Fandom, Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware, Half-Life
Genre: Horror, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Transphobia, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Nonbinary Benrey (Half-Life), and if i do ill be updating the tags!, arg au, autistic characters here!!, but dw uhhhhhhh i wont go too much into it, gordon has a shitty ex and a not great family, gordon is depressed!, gordon is going to get hurt a lot im sorry in advance, gordon is trans!, gordons not doing ok, spooky stuff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-26
Updated: 2020-07-02
Packaged: 2021-03-03 02:41:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 16,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24387640
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DannyDanger/pseuds/DannyDanger
Summary: Gordon returns to his hometown, son and baggage in tow. It's when he finds old belongings does he remember a friend from his childhood, and he starts realizing maybe his childhood wasn't quite what he remembers. This starts a mystery he is determined to solve, camera in hand and the woods behind his home beckoning.
Relationships: Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Tommy Coolatta, Benrey/Tommy Coolatta/Gordon Freeman, Bubby/Dr. Coomer (Half-Life)
Comments: 243
Kudos: 459
Collections: HLVRAI





	1. In the box in the attic

Gordon gazed at the home in front of his, a shaky sigh leaving him. When he called and told his mother he’d be returning, little Joshua in tow, he didn’t know she’d agree to let him stay in his childhood home. The last time they’d talked they weren’t on the best of terms. 

Refusing to attend your father’s funeral did those kinds of things. 

He knew she just wanted to meet her grandchild for the first time and as she rushed from the porch to greet him he could see her mouth twink into a false smile. The real one came at the sight of his little son, beaming brightly and laughing as Gordon kissed his cheek and held him close. She cooed, he relented into giving Joshua over to her. He knew it’d at least buy him a little leeway with things. 

“Promise I won’t be staying long. Just going to try to look for a place and then I’ll be out of your hair.” He said, as ironically Joshua started playing in her hair. 

“Stay as long as you need. This little one will be a welcome distraction.” He knew that Joshua would be, for sure. While he tells grandma about the plethora of cowboy knowledge he has, Gordon gets to work on getting what little amount of luggage they have from his car to the house. 

The first thing he realizes he hates is that his childhood bedroom is still disgustingly the same. Like a time capsule of his dysphoria. Joshua, of course loved it. Joshua didn’t care if something was cowboys, dragons, or pink sparkly barbies from the nineties. He loved every bit of it and Gordon was glad at least someone did. It didn’t take long for Joshua to get settled in and get comfortable, as Gordon was really…. Really trying hard. This town made him so achingly discomfortable but it was one of the safest places he could possibly think of. 

“So what about your job?” A question he dreaded. He wasn’t looking at her as he stood, making eggs for Joshua and trying his best not to think at the moment. 

“They understood but couldn’t keep me if I was moving out of state.” He said, keeping it simple. “I said that was fine and I left on good terms. Said they’d recommend me to other labs if given the chance.” Which to him seemed like bullshit. Black Mesa was a bitch of a company and the way they let him go was like dusting dust off themselves. 

His mother said something he didn’t catch, as he tried to swat away the thoughts. That was done. And so were the eggs, as he put them on Joshua’s little elephant plate. The kid was a vacuum and he was happy for that at the moment, not wanting to struggle to get Joshua to eat as his mother interrogated him. 

“And what about P-” She started and he snapped. 

“Not. Now.” He said, hand shaking at his side, causing him to grip onto his belt loop in a way to stabilize his thought. She held up her hands, sighing like she’d done nothing wrong by trying to ask, but Gordon wasn’t having it at the moment. He huffed, before pushing some stray hair back. 

“I’m not ready to talk about that right now. Please.” He clarifies, and she just shakes her head. 

“You’ll have to eventually, dear.” And she gets up to busy herself, before turning. “There are some old boxes of junk in the attic, if you want to go through them. Might have some stuff you’d like. I can watch my little Joshie bear as you do.” 

He grumbles, but at least she’s not pushing. This is better, he tells himself. This is better. 

But god why did she put this all in the attic? The moment he pulled himself up here the smell of dust and the feeling of pure dread were overstimulating and made him nauseous. Maybe it was the fact that he knew most of this stuff was his dads, maybe it was the cobwebs. Maybe it was the fact that it was freezing cold. He didn’t care at the moment, honestly. He looked around in disdain and melancholy, from old dresses and the couch his father used to sit in when he was a kid. Mom really threw everything she didn’t want to see into the attic.

He kind of just stood around, looking over things and not willing to get his hands near the thick layer of dust coating everything. He walked through old furniture and decorations littered with memories and copious amounts of cobwebs before something caught his eyes. 

The bright red wood was the first thing he noticed, making him pause on his walk through. He got closer, a small noise leaving his mouth as he recognized what it was. Behind the box for one of their old christmas trees was a bright red and blue toy chest, covered in various stickers of shows he’d watched when he was a kid. He couldn’t help but laugh at the faded faces of characters from his childhood, yet the wood still seemed so bright. He tugged it out as bed he could, garnering a cough from the dust being disturbed. 

He couldn’t help but smile as he looked over it in full, memories washing over him. He fiddled with the latch on front with glee, and his face lit up at the contents. There was so much in here he thought was long gone. From a few stuffed animals to some notebooks and fuzzy pens. His old recorder! He beamed as he picked it up, remembering how much he loved photography as a kid. His dad didn’t understand and had bought him this instead of a polaroid. 

He brushed that thought away. He had better things to think of, as his hand went back into the box. What he didn’t realize was the sharp edge of a photo would catch his hand, and he hissed. He brought his hand back out, and sucked on his now bleeding thumb. He looked for the offender for the wound and managed to find it quickly. 

It was a very simple photo from a kodak camera long gone, of him standing against a few trees with a scrawny boy his age that he couldn’t quite place. It took a few moments, before it hit him. Like a wave crashing into the rocks, the memory of running through the neighbors yards with him laughing and screaming as they got yelled at overtook him and he couldn’t help but smile.

He wondered where the kid was now and whether or not his mom remembered his name. He’d have to ask as he went down. He spent another minute in front of the box, grabbing one of his old stuffed dinosaurs to wash for Joshua, and the photo. He was still smiling soft as he got down, the warm nostalgia making the chill from the attic ebb away. 

“Well you look happy!” His mother said, playing a simpler form of patty cake with Joshua who was loving the attention. 

“Found my old toy box. Good memories in that thing.” He said, smiling as he set the dinosaur on the counter so Joshua couldn’t see before he cleaned it. “Found a photo…. You remember the kids I used to play with at all?” 

“Oh, Hannah and Adrianna-” She started, before he cut her off. 

“No uh, do you remember a boy?” He asked, and she scrunched her face, either in mild disgust or confusion, he couldn’t tell which. 

“No… I distinctly only remember those two.” She said, before shrugging. “You were secretive though.” That made Gordon roll his eyes. She did love harping on that. 

“Well I found a picture, maybe you recognize him?” he said, handing it over to her. The moment her face changed in pure confusion, something in his gut sank. 

“Honey… there’s no one in this photo besides you.”


	2. The Man in the Antique Shop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon want to re-familiarize himself with his home town and gets more memories and info than he knows how to deal with.

The feeling of dissociation wasn’t new to Gordon. It happened not too rarely and only for a bit, but it was like something was slowing down time, deafening him. In times of stress it seemed it was a defense that kept him from going absolutely nuclear sometimes. 

He took the photo back and kept quiet as his brain tried to figure out what his mother just said. He knew what her joking looked like. It hadn’t changed in his entire life and her pure confusion only cemented that what she said wasn’t a joke. He nodded soft, before just. Walking away. It was easier. It was so much easier to walk away. 

He chalked it up to stress. It was the stress of moving cross country back to his podunk town and living with his mother.

But the thing about that is that the memory of the kid, that was real. There was no way that was stress. That was real. He remembers the feeling of grass, them laughing, his sm-... 

He paused in his thoughts, as he laid on his old bed. He couldn’t remember the kids face, even though he had his photo. All he saw in his mind was, well, nothing. Just a blank space. He tossed over and sighed. 

Maybe this was just stress. 

The next day, after some worrying from his mother and gifting Joshua a new old toy, things had been overall peaceful. Something was nagging in the back of his mind, but overall he was fine. Frankly probably better than he’s been for a while. Today he was going to walk through town just to get used to everything again while his mom watched Joshua. 

So far things were essentially the same. A new McDonald’s here, a new storefront there. He eventually pulled up somewhere to park, deciding to walk around. The town itself was actually rather nice, quiet and content and not too rowdy. He just had a problem with the memories he left behind here. It was a good thing he was pretty sure no one would recognize him at least. His eyes glanced over old and new stores as he just enjoyed the nostalgia. His smiled seeing that one of the diners from his youth was still up and running and the memory of running in with a few dollars to get a milkshake for- 

There he was again! The memory of the kid with no face. He pulls out his wallet, where he’d stashed the photo for safe keeping and just stared. Okay. Now he’d remember. And yet the moment he put it away, his mind still garbled it. And he knew this wasn’t just his bad facial recognition at play. He sighed and put it all back in his pocket. Maybe he’d find his answers somewhere. 

It wasn’t long before he’d walked most of one side of stores, just idly thinking and looking before he crossed one that crossed his eye. It was the usual mom and pop antique shop, the window littered with pretty antiques and other things, but something just past the window made him stop. Inside was an old rusty bicycle, blue paint chipping away and a note he couldn’t quite read from this distance. 

But the memory that overtook him was overwhelming. Him and the kid, riding bikes and laughing trying to do tricks before crashing into each other. That blue bike tangled into his orange one. The scar that was left on his arm. Gordon even pulled up his sleeve to check, seeing the faded remnant of it. These were real memories. They had to be. 

He wasn’t stopping himself from going inside. The bell chimed and he stopped in his path however. The place was littered with items and now he needed to navigate to the bike to see if he could remember anything else. 

He didn’t hear a welcome as he came in but he could definitely hear someone in the back. It was fine. He was just going to look at the bike real quick. And after a moment of looking for it, he noticed the note had a very well written ‘Not for Sale’ note on it, along with it being chained into the floor. Maybe that was a bit much but he wasn’t quite sure what the crime rate here was anymore. 

“Hello?” Said a voice behind him, making him jump out of his skin. He turned quick, seeing it was an older gentleman, a cane in hand and a warm smile on his face. He slowly unwound himself, blinking soft. 

“Hi, sorry-” Gordon said, flustered. “I was just. I saw this from the window and-” 

“Sorry to say this young man, but it’s not for sale.” Said the older gentleman, an air of warmth and calm about him. He seemed so chipper and so very familiar. “But we have a nice selection on the other side.” 

“I saw, I was…” Gordon paused as the older man raised an eyebrow. “Do you know who this belonged to?” 

The man was quiet and Gordon couldn’t tell what he was thinking. He knew the other had to be processing something given how long it took him to answer but Gordon clang to the hope it could help him with these weird forming memories. 

“That is quite the question. Certainly not one I’ve heard in all the years this bike has sat in my shop.” He says, before waving Gordon to follow him. Gordon followed albeit reluctantly. He wasn’t too sure on what was happening but he followed. It wasn’t long before the elder was behind a counter, grabbing a dusty old book. Gordon couldn’t see what it said but Gordon knew that it’d maybe help… maybe. 

“Well… Hm.” Nevermind that didn’t sound all too helpful to his plight. 

“Well…?” Gordon parroted back, leaning on the counter. The elder’s face was nearly unreadable. 

“It seems that there’s no record of an owner. Only that the bike is currently on hold.” The man said, sighing and setting down the log of sorts. Gordon sighed. Damn. 

“That’s for helping at least.” Gordon smiled soft, and the man looked sympathetic to his plight. Suddenly an idea hit him. “Actually, can I show you something? See if you recognize anyone in it?” 

“If it can help you, I’d be glad to take a look.” He said and Gordon smiled. Quickly he pulled out his wallet and the photo inside and handed it to the other. 

The moments proceeding this were heart pounding for Gordon, as he watched the man look at the photo, his thumb twitching over the side with the kid. It was deathly quiet for a moment, before Gordon watched him pull out a piece of paper and wrote something down. 

“Go to this address. It’s a little bit of a hassle getting there, but tell the man there that Coomer sent you.” He said, gently placing the photo and note into Gordon’s hand, to his confusion. “You’ve grown so much since I last saw you, Mr. Freeman.” 

Gordon was stunned, gently taking the note and looking at presumably Mr. Coomer in shock from getting some kind of answer. “Thank you, I-” and he was interrupted. 

“No, say nothing out loud. Keep this to yourself, for now. It was no trouble, Mr. Freeman.” He said and Gordon shook his head. 

“Gordon, sir.” He said, a bit confused by what was happening. Coomer smiled, making him feel warm. 

“It is good to finally see you Gordon. You need to be on your way now, and I need to close up in time for lunch with my dear heart.” Coomer said, and Gordon nodded. “Be safe.” 

Gordon waved as he quickly left, a small “Goodbye Gordon” behind him. He was shaking, something about the exchange validating and made something in the back of his brain pound about impending danger. He looked at the note again. This wasn’t too far from his mother’s house, just a bit deeper into the woods. It wouldn’t be too hard to find. 

He walked back to his car, a spring in his step as he clutched the few memories he had with an iron grip. Something told him he didn’t want to forget these again.

Never again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE COMMENTS this has been so much fun so far !!! I hope you all know I have an end already in mind and that I am so excited for this journey! Kudos and Comments appreciated!


	3. The Golden Dog and the Man in the Cabin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon meets a new friend.

Gordon decided to check on Joshua first. As much as this secret mission was important to him, his son came first. He absolutely picked up chicken nuggets on the way home, in a happy meal. The moment Joshua saw it he was in love. The joys of parenthood, truly. 

“Daddy’s going to go do some business, okay Joshie?” He says, as his son snacks on the little apple slices. “Grandma’s going to watch you till dinner.” 

“Okay, Dada!” Joshua said, slinging his legs happily. “‘M gonna play with my new friend!” 

Gordon laughed, smiling. “New friend huh? Can you tell me about them?” 

“Mhm! He’s big like a house and he really likes when I talk about dinosaurs and cowboys and stuff!” He looks so proud and Gordon smiles. He always found Joshua’s imagination fascinating. A friend the size of a house was cute as hell. 

“Daddy’s gotta go now Joshie, you tell your new friend I said hi okay?” And Joshua nodded, beaming as his mom came in to watch over him again. He grabbed his satchel this time, decorated with little pins and patches he’d collected since he was a teen. It was a trusty thing, strong enough to carry books, snacks, and bits and bobs he liked fiddling with when he was alone. 

The drive was quiet. His mind wandered as the paved road turned to gravel and he realized what Mr. Coomer had meant when he said that it would be a bit of a ride. The gravel wasn’t properly paved and the trees lining the road made it a bit darker than it really was. It kind of gave him the chills. 

That and the weird feeling on the back of his neck. It hadn’t left him since he’d gotten into his car and it made his eyes flicker to rearview mirror every now and then. It was one of those feelings he got when someone was staring at him and he hated it. Maybe it was just leftover paranoia. 

The moment he saw the tiny cabin, his heartfelt a little better. It was cute, a garden out front, and a cute yellow door. Gordon thought it was absolutely precious compared to the rest of the wooded area. Almost like a bright splotch of sunshine. 

Gordon pulled up slowly and breathed out a sigh. “Okay. Okay.” He pumped himself up, the note and the photo ready in his bag. He got out and breathed out. That feeling was still tingling. But he walked up to the door and- 

Dog. 

Dog in his face. Dog all over him. Big dog. What? 

“Sunkist! Down girl!” The voice of a man said, as the dog simply stopped. Gordon was still stunned, just blinking gently as a man dressed in a simple bright color-blocked shirt and jeans, a similarly bright red hat atop his curly mop of hair. Gordon would have thought he was younger than him if it weren’t for the laugh lines and little crows feet he could see on his pretty freckled face. 

Gordon is, for lack of a better saying, kinda really gay. 

“Uh-” is all he can get out. He was kinda super really gay actually. It’s an awkward minute. Finally, Gordon snaps out of it. 

“Sorry, I uh- Mr. Coomer told me to come here?” 

“Oh!” The man lights up, turning from confused to excite. “Oh, I wish Harold had called! It’s a pleasure to meet you, I’m Tommy!” Tommy goes for Gordon’s hand, and Gordon almost flinches. And almost means he does, but less because he caught himself. Tommy pauses and slaps his hands over his mouth. 

“Sorry! I should have asked if you were okay with touch!” Tommy said, arms moving and flapping slightly. “I don’t want to make a bad first impression.” 

“No hey, I’m fine,” Gordon says, anxiety spurring from the others mild panic. His hand shot out, in another attempt at a handshake. “I’m Gordon, Gordan Freeman.” 

Tommy very carefully took Gordon's hand. A small shake, a simple handshake. It was nice. Tommy’s hand was comfortably warm. “It’s nice to meet you, Mr. Freeman. What did Harold send you over for?” 

Gordon remembered his mission, as he pulled out his photo. “Mr. Coomer said to come here when I showed him this photo.” And he handed Tommy the photo. The immediate frown on his face made Gordon nervous.

“Come inside,” Tommy said, waving him into the cabin, and Gordon followed, the dog (Sunkist, he thinks) right behind him wagging rather chipperly. God the inside of the house was even cuter. There were a few soda cans here and there but Gordon knew that mood. Otherwise, the place was clean and comfy. 

Gordon’s nosy, and by that he means his mind likes to wander as he looks over people’s living spaces. He’s brought out of his thinking as he hears a cough. 

“Mr. Freeman do… you remember this child?” Tommy says, looking rather preoccupied with his own thoughts. 

“I… Kind of? I sort of do,” Gordon said, as Tommy gestured for them to sit down. He sat down in a squishy armchair that hit just the right spot. “It’s like I can’t see his face all the way. Like there’s something obscuring it. I know… I know we were friends. I can feel it.” 

Tommy bites his thumb and nibbles as he listens. Gordon can’t help but watch as he starts to bite his bottom lip. This made Gordon nervous. This man knew something, that's what the paranoia told him. He knew something and it made his arm start twitching in an attempt to relieve this tension in his mind. Small stimming. Not noticeable. But he saw Tommy’s eyes drift to his arm and he froze. 

“Sorry, Mr. Freeman !” Tommy said, waving his own arm. “This is very hard to decipher. I don’t mean to make you nervous, and this must be very scary. But just know, even if others don’t see him, your friend was very real.” 

That statement was both relieving and confusing, as Gordon hadn’t said anything about that. “What do you mean?” Was all Gordon could muster to say, this experience just becoming stranger and stranger. 

“Your friend, he's… deep. Deep in the woods. It’s hard to say where.” Tommy says, touching the photo delicately. There’s a look on Tommy’s face that Gordon can’t quite describe but it’s almost like he’s not currently with him at the moment, eyes simply off in their own little world. “He’s lost. He’s very afraid.” 

“Wait, wait a minute. How do you know these things?” Gordon asks, the logical part of him finally shining through. Or trying to at least. Come on man you’re an MIT graduate with a doctorate, act like it! “I didn’t say-” 

“That no one could see him?” Tommy said, sighing. “It’s not uncommon around these parts at this point.” 

Gordon is flabbergasted as Tommy keeps going. “I… I have gotten people like you before. Coming in and asking if they knew someone from a photo. People usually don’t actually go looking for the ones they lost, though…” 

“Why the fuck not?” It’s sharp and fueled by some unseen anger that bubbled out, and he looked sheepish as Tommy was wide-eyed. 

“They usually just forget again.” 

Gordon’s quiet at that. This… this was something he couldn’t figure out. “But why?” Was all he could manage to say. Sunkist laid her head in Gordon’s lap, whimpering softly. 

“Because the forest makes them.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :)


	4. The pondering of Things

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon is doing a think.

The next thing Gordon knew he was being fanned on the couch, the tender and cold nose of a Golden Retriever nuzzling into his face and a perfectly attractive and strange man fanning him with a piece of paper. Had he passed out? 

“Huh,” Was all he could get out despite his mind rushing. Tommy just smiled and looked as sympathetic as possible. 

“Mr. Freeman you passed out,” Tommy said, his eyebrows pushed together in worry, and Gordon couldn’t help but feel bad. 

“Sorry I- How long was I out?” Gordon asked as his head started pounding. That along with the feeling that was creeping from his neck down his back was going to be hell to drive home with. Tommy looked at his watch and then made a tiny noise as Gordon sat up on the couch. Had Tommy put him here? 

“About twenty minutes,” Tommy started as he continued to fan Gordon. Gordon appreciated the attempt at comfort that was for sure. “Was what I said too much, Mr. Freeman? I’m sorry if I scared you-” 

“No, no Tommy you’re fine.” Gordon can’t help but sigh and try to sit up. His brain is trying to process everything still. “I don’t understand but it’s fine.” 

“It’s a pretty fucked up situation,” Tommy says rather bluntly. Blunt enough that Gordon lets out a laugh before covering his face and just thinks for a moment. None of this made sense and he wasn’t sure why he hadn’t already walked out of this place and never looked back. Maybe it was the feeling tugging in the back of his brain. He’d at least hear Tommy out as much as he could. 

“Yeah I… I can surmise that.” Gordon lets out a groan before slinking down. “Tommy I won’t lie to you. I don’t understand this and you think I would, I mean, I have a fucking Doctorate. But here I am just listening to, and forgive my rudeness, nonsense.” 

Tommy nodded his head and smiled sheepishly. “It does sound like nonsense, I understand that. But if it helps I can suggest maybe…” Tommy pauses, fretting with his hands as he appears to think. “Keep records and record yourself for long stretches. I think it might help retain the memory of what’s happened. Usually, people just forget I even exist after they’ve left here… Like something trying to cover its tracks.” 

While Gordon was still very skeptical of this situation, something about how sad Tommy sounded made him believe it just a bit more. He pulls out a pen from his satchel and some scrap paper and starts using his leg to write something. 

“Tommy I’m going to give you my address. I don’t actually live that far away from here but if you ever need company or to knock some sense into me for not coming back, I give you full permission to do so. Just be warned, I have a kid, and based on how colorful you dress he’s going to be all over you.” And Gordon hands him the note, Tommy absolutely stunned. The tenderness in which Tommy took the note just made Gordon even softer. Gordon stood up, just a tad wobbly, and dusted himself off. “And you can bring Sunkist. Joshua loves dogs and will probably talk your ear off about them. I’m going to go but, just know I-” 

He paused, shocked at himself for saying what he was about to. “I’m going to take your advice and try to record myself on the way back.” Tommy smiled and it made Gordon feel so warm. Gordon decides that yeah, he wants to come back. Or get Tommy to visit for a bit. 

“Goodbye, Mr. Freeman! I hope this can help! And I can’t wait to see you again.” Tommy said as he escorted Gordon out with Sunkist’s help. Gordon was going to fall hard and he knew it, but frankly having someone be so nice to him was euphoric. 

“Bye Tommy. I promise I’ll be back,” Gordon says, as he leaves. He pulls out his phone as he does, pulling up the camera and pressing record. Just in case. 

The ride home was a lot more thought-provoking than the drive there was. His brain was wracked with all the things he’d learned today. Learned? He wasn’t sure what was really going on, looking at the camera on his phone every now and then. 

It at least eased the feeling of being watched. That was a plus at the very least. His brain was turned off high alert as he pulled back into his mother’s driveway, just happy to be home with Joshua for a bit. 

The moment he came inside and saw Joshua getting his leg bandaged by his mother however, his heart dropped, as it usually does when you’re a dad and your baby is injured even slightly. “What happened?” He said, and Joshua just swung his free leg as his mom looked exasperated. 

“I don’t know how but Joshua was outside for a minute, playing by the treeline and I started reading my novel for one minute and he’s inside and his knee is bleeding-” She says, but Joshua doesn’t look upset in the slightest. 

“Daddy my friend kissed it better! It’s okay!” Joshua said, and Gordon’s a bit confused. “I fell and hit a rock and it hurt but I’m okay. I’m a big boy.” 

“Your house friend?” Gordon says, brows knit together and Joshua nods happily. Gordon doesn’t know what to think about that as his mother dismisses it as something about imaginary friends but he isn’t listening to her at the moment. He’s just processing. 

“I also told him you said hi dada! He said hi too.” Joshua says as he wiggles out of his chair. “Can I go play now?” 

“Yeah… yeah, kiddo.” Gordon says and all he can attribute this to at the moment is that kids bounce back way too quickly for him to register at the moment. Joshua is immediately off to play with whatever toys he could get his hand on first, and Gordon just leans back against the kitchen counter and sighs. 

Gordon suddenly notices something on the counter, blinking and picking up the offending object as he sets down his phone he forgot he was using to record. It was his video camera from when he was younger, and Gordon is confused by it being on the counter. It looked like it’d been dusted off, nearly pristine condition-wise now. However, seeing it made the back of his brain ache once more.

He never brought it downstairs from the attic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) :) :)


	5. In which dreams are a taxing thing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon's no good very bad sleep time.

Gordon decided not to ask his mom whether or not she brought the camera down. With his phone still on him recording, he checked it only revealing a new tape inside. Something about this was shaking him to the very depths of his core and a part of him wanted to rush to the bathroom but he held himself together as best he could. Today was nerve-wracking in the worst of ways. 

He kept his phone in himself as he fiddled with the recorder. The little shit still worked as he turned it on. It wasn’t the best quality but it certainly wasn’t the worst. He could work with this, actually. 

“Thanks, Dad…” He mumbled, turning the thing on himself. As much as his phone was better quality, he only had so much room and he needed it for phone things obviously. Which right now was texting one of his brothers that things were going altogether smooth despite everything and that he was safe at moms. 

That felt like a lie at the moment, given the things that were starting to occur. He shook off that thought, instead opting to focus on normalcy for a bit.

The rest of the night was spent telling his mom that he was going to be filming things as self-therapy. She didn’t really understand but she went along with it, which was usually how his mother went with these things. He was content in that and kept the camera with him for the rest of the night. It was pretty easy to keep it trained on him and it gave him a sense of nostalgia from his teen years. 

Joshua liked it too as he pretended he was a movie star, being as dramatic as possible. It was precious and Gordon loved watching Joshua. He was so bright and wonderful and at this point, he was keeping Gordon together. Everything he was was for Joshua. 

When Joshie climbed into his lap as he turned on his mother’s television to distract himself a bit more, he couldn’t help but grin. He loved his son who was now burrowing into his side as they watched some cartoons together. Joshua was enraptured with whatever was happening to the blue cat on tv and Gordon was just happy they could be together and safe. It was something they really needed right now.

It didn’t take long for it to get to bedtime, and Joshua was already passed out against him and snoring softly. Delicately picking him up wasn’t too hard and neither was balancing the camera, considering how tiny Joshua was. He tucked him tight into his little bed in the guest room and decided to get ready for bed as well, undoing his ponytail and shrugging off his clothes. He didn’t think twice about undressing in front of the camera, it was his after all. It wasn't like anyone else would see.

Gordon wondered if he should turn the camera off before sleep and decided against it. He’d let it roll tonight, just to make him feel a bit safer. Maybe see how it goes. He settled in as his brain decided to shut itself off before he could process everything and potentially have a nervous breakdown. 

It was unfortunately not the best decision his brain has ever made. 

The moment his dreams started, he knew something was wrong. He was in the woods behind his house and everything seemed different. Familiar yet something was unquestionably wrong and it made his skin crawl and stomach knot up. From one side he could hear laughter but it was distant and with no thought, he was running towards it as panic gripped his heart. He knew something was about to happen but what was about to occur was absolutely lost on him. He was scouring his mind to figure out why he was so terrified as he ran and his chest tightened. Finally, he caught a glimpse of his younger self, almost the same from the picture, hand clutched to the boy who's face he couldn’t remember as they passed over a run-down looking bridge over a creek. 

He could hear the tail end of a conversation but he couldn’t tell what it was even about, and he wanted to scream dear god he had no idea why but he needed to. But nothing came out as the boy turned to look at his younger self. Gordon felt every emotion rip through him at that moment, as his brain froze and everything came crashing down upon him. 

A voice crept up behind him, making his blood run cold. 

“You shouldn’t have come back.” 

And he awoke, a scream ripping through him and his chest aching. His body was covered in sweat as he shook violently and the voice echoing over and over relentlessly in the back of his head. He hadn’t even noticed he’d woken Joshua up at some point, his tiny hand gripped onto him and he snapped out of whatever trance he was in to pull his son close. 

“Dada you’re crying!” was all the little tyke could get out before Gordon started rocking back and forth with him and a shuddering quiet went over both of them. Gordon was softly crying and he hadn’t even realized until it was pointed out. Joshua touched his face from his spot and Gordon pressed into his tiny hands in a way to make him feel better and to calm himself. 

There’s a strange unspoken moment where Gordon just knows Joshua is touching to help comfort him and Joshua knows his dad is hurting. It was quiet and Gordon pulled Joshua closer and pulled them both under the blankets. Joshua was complacent only making sure to keep his hands touching and keeping Gordon grounded. He pressed soft kisses into his son's hair, sniffling here and there.

Gordon fell asleep again at some point, holding Joshua tight. 

This time the dream was different. He was sitting in the creek, toes squishing in the mud and the sun shone through the leaves making his face feel warm. It had to be spring, and the soft breeze was comfortable and added to the atmosphere. 

“You think if you uh, you put your feet deep enough you would like… become a tree?” came from the voice next to him and he laughed. He knew this was some kind of memory now, as his voice sounded so much different. Inwardly it made him feel strange and out of place, but the warmth of this memory made him happy in a pleasant and not filled with terror kind of way like the other dream.

“You want me to be a tree or something?” He said, and the voice laughed now, although much softer than him. Something about it make his chest warm and bubby. Memories of feelings? He couldn't tell as things kept playing out. 

“Nah, I like you like you.” And Gordon smiled softly. There was a bubble of sadness in him however and he shrugged. He knew that sadness too well at this point. 

“If you say so.” and suddenly he was nearly shoved into the water, making him squeal. He could feel the cool water squishing as he suddenly burst out laughing as the other said something while laughing that he couldn’t catch. All he could do was wobble and keep balance in the water as he turned quickly to beam at the other. 

“Benrey you dork!” 

He woke up again, this time the sun shining through the curtains and hitting his face directly. He felt so strangely warm as Joshua nuzzled against him. He had a name now. One that wasn’t escaping his mind as his eyes closed again. 

Benrey. Benrey Benrey Benrey. It felt like such an odd name but it was enrapturing him. He thought about his face and he could see it as plain as day now. How could he forget someone that feels so important to him? His mind was wracked with guilt suddenly, and he sat up with a frown. 

Joshua was still fast asleep as Gordon peeled himself from the bed. He'd let Joshua sleep as long as the little guy can for now, and he'd make him breakfast as soon as he got done getting ready. He grabbed the camera, wondering what going through the footage will be like. Probably boring as all hell. 

He sighs and heads to the bathroom with the camera, keeping it on him as he took his medicine and brushed his teeth. He looked like absolute hell, stress apparent on his face. He was sure that he was starting to get gray hairs as well. He needed to get himself together. 

Next was clothing, and Gordon got dressed quick. He checked on Joshua again, who was absolutely passed out as little snores left him. Gordon smiled. He couldn't have asked for a better kid if he was being honest. 

Okay, breakfast. He needed to get on that. He was quiet as he went to the kitchen before he noticed his mom's car wasn't in the driveway. Thank god. It was going to be just him and Joshua today and that was okay. Perfect, in fact. 

Breakfast was easy and it didn't take much more than the smell of french toast to draw Joshua from the bed, who immediately went to cling to Gordon's side. 

"Hey buddy, you doing okay?" Gordon asked as Joshua nodded and made him smile soft. 

"You okay Dada?" Joshua asked, his voice tiny and soft. Gordon nodded the same as he did. 

"Yeah just had a bad dream bud." 

A quiet understanding went over them as Gordon made their plates. Gordon was thankful in some ways, and in others, he was upset that his son had to see him go through so much. He pushed that thought away as he set the plates down and Joshua started inhaling it like a hoover. 

Gordon watched with content for now. Today was going to be interesting. Or hopefully, calm. God, he wanted today to be calm. He ate a lot more slowly and enjoyed his handy work. Damn, he was a good cook sometimes. 

After breakfast and washing dishes, Joshua got dressed and Gordon walked outside with him to play for a bit. The day was warm and comfortable and Gordon watched with fascination as Joshua collected little items around the backyard. Every now and then he'd come to show him one of the little items and tell him about it and Gordon would smile and hold it for a moment until Joshua went and added it to a growing pile.

It was only when Joshua started taking the pile to the edge of the woods did Gordon ask what he was doing. 

"Hey, bud, where you taking all this?" He asked and Joshua beamed. 

"It's for my friend!" was the very simple reply, and Gordon nodded. 

"Do you need some help?" This made Joshua stop and hum, before nodding. Gordon smiled and grabbed a few items to help out, knowing that Joshua would want to take the most he could himself.

When they reached the edge Gordon felt a chill go through him. These woods were slowly becoming a bane of his existence. Joshua, on the other hand, was as happy as can be. The tiny pile was adding up, and Gordon quickly noticed other little piles. Some of which didn't look like ones Joshua would be capable of making. 

There were various other ones, some farther past the edge. A few out of sticks, a few out of pebbles. Some, however, were of bigger rocks, some even of cinder blocks. He never remembered these being here, nor did he notice them the other day. 

Gordon slowly walked from his spot to look at all of them. Joshua didn't follow, standing at the edge and watching. Gordon's eyebrows burrowed and that same feeling on the back of his neck came back as one particular pile caught his eyes. 

Those were fucking bones.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS TOOK FOREVER IM SO SORRY i had fun tho. Thank you all so much for all the comments and support, yall have me nearly crying qwq I wish I could reply to every one but it gets overwhelming and I am but a seemple autistic mother fucker


	6. Lunch with a Friend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The meeting of minds! Gordon's doing his best.

They weren’t human. Not based on the deer skull and hooves, but it was enough for him to turn tail and scoop up Joshua and his camera and flee back inside. Joshua was confused for sure, peering out at the woods as Gordon panicked. 

“My friend’s gonna be sad… I think he wanted to meet you today.” Joshua said, and Gordon paused to look at him. What Tommy said came back to him and his spine bristled. He sat gently in front of Joshua and smiled to try and get a sense of calm for him. 

“Joshie, how about we go meet one of Dada’s friends today, huh?” and Joshua smiled and nodded. Gordon quickly went to grab a few things before scribbling a note for his mother for when she’d come back. 

He was going to see Tommy. He needed some follow up questions. He quickly grabbed a bag of things they’d need and they were on their way. Joshua seemed happy to get out of the house but was still every now and then looking towards the woods where the piles were as they got into the car. 

Gordon didn’t take too long to get where he needed to be as he found his way back to Tommy’s house, and he felt a sense of relief as Tommy lit up in recognition of him as he pulled into his driveway. Tommy seemingly rushed right out, Sunkist not far behind as he got out. 

“Mr. Freeman!” Tommy said with the widest possible smile as Sunkist immediately rushed around his legs to be pet. 

“Hey Tommy-” Gordon started, before Joshua squealed from inside the car. Guess he spotted Sunkist. The cry of ‘Doggie!’ made Tommy’s head turn quick and a little trill of noise left him. Gordon quickly opened the door and Joshua tumbled out right onto Sunkist, who was more than happy to be pet and cooed over. 

"Sorry Tommy, something... Something weird was happening back home and my mother's out so I couldn't just leave him." Gordon said and Tommy just smiled and waved him off. 

"I-Its's fine! I love kids anyway." Tommy said, a big grin on his face as Joshua nearly hid behind the giant Golden Retriever. 

"Hi..." Joshua said, shy and a bit nervous as he quickly looked at Gordon. Gordon smiled softly and nodded, making sure that this interaction would go well. Joshua was always a bit shy when it came to new people and even if Tommy was superbly friendly, he was still very new. 

"Hi! I-I'm Tommy! I'm your dad's friend." Tommy said as he bent down to get eye level with Joshua, and Joshua shuffled in spot gently. 

"I'm Joshua... Is this your dog?" He asked, and Tommy nodded with a sweet smile. Joshua pet Sunkist as gentle as possible before Tommy spoke up again. 

"Her name is Sunkist!" Tommy said and Joshua made a small cooing sound. Gordon watched the interaction quietly, just overseeing how Joshua was interacting. 

But something made his neck crawl and he quickly looked behind him with a small noise leaving. Nothing that he could see, but he could tell he got Tommy's attention with that. 

He stood up and gently touched Gordon's arm before tugging slightly. "Let's get inside, we can talk a bit uh- a bit more safely."

Gordon nodded, as his hand went to gently guide Joshua forward to the cabin. Once they were inside Gordon felt relief wash over him immediately and he sighed. 

"So what happened? I didn't expect you to come here so soon... Or at all." Tommy admitted, and Gordon let out a noise. Gordon was flustered a moment, hands waved before he stopped. 

"There were bones in my yard. A pile. Not like something had died there but a gathered pile." Gordon started, and Tommy suddenly gasped and covered his mouth. "There were other things too, rocks and stuff. Joshua was collecting stuff to make his own. I didn't know who else I could talk to about this, Tommy." 

"And that's all?" Tommy asked with a grimace, obviously afraid looking. Gordon was glad someone understood because if he told his mother or anyone else he would probably be laughed at or called paranoid. Which he was! But this was different. 

"Mr. Freeman would you... mind if I called someone? I think maybe they can help." Tommy said, moving to bite his thumb and crinkle his brows. Gordon nodded. "I'll be back in a moment- You can look around if you want! Make yourself at home."

And with that, Tommy bounded off while pulling out his cellphone, leaving Gordon with just him, Joshua, Sunkist, and his recorder just sitting in his hands. Gordon decided, maybe, he'd look around. 

Tommy's house was cute. Tommy's house was really cute. There were so many books and a lot of neat little trinkets. Gordon decided he rather liked the place before he got a good look at some of the pictures around the place. 

Gordon noted that Tommy always looked very happy in the pictures. Or well, he assumed the kid was Tommy. The freckles gave it away. Gordon liked that about Tommy so far. That he always had a rather kind look to him. 

However, the man standing in many of the photos made Gordon nervous. Like he was being stared at again. The gaunt older gentleman had such piercing features and they were hard to look away from. The look in his eyes was just off, which was such a strange contrast to Tommy. 

He had to assume that was his father, of course. It was only ever them in photos together, or it was Tommy alone or with Sunkist who he might add was a precious puppy. Gordon shook off the weird feeling as he just walked around and listened to Joshua marvel at the wonders of a well-trained dog. 

It wasn't long before Tommy came back and looked at little flustered. "My friend will be here soon- He lives a bit deeper back," He said, and Gordon nodded as he came back to sit down in the same chair he'd passed out on last time. "I could make you guys some lunch in the meantime!" 

"Oh Tommy you do-" Before he was cut off by a loud:

"LUNCHTIME!" 

Tommy laughed, and Gordon felt heat rise to his cheeks and he relented. Tommy didn't seem to mind as he was already up and heading to the kitchen. Gordon followed behind, happy to watch someone cook. 

"Thanks for... for helping. I kinda showed up out of the blue and you've been so hospitable." Gordon said, leaning on the counter of the, again very cute kitchen. 

"If Harold sent you, that means that you're a good person," Tommy said, smiling softly. "and I think you're really sweet and- and you have nice eyes." 

Gordon flushed red and smiled goofily. Was Tommy... maybe flirting with him? He couldn't tell. 

"You're the sweet one, I mean, you're making me and my son lunch!" Gordon said, and Tommy giggled. He giggled! Gordon was smitten. 

The next while went by quickly as they just went back between each other, and Gordon learned a few things: Tommy loved Beyblades, soda, bird watching, and cooking. He'd been in a fraternity but eventually left because they'd started hazing and he had several degrees and was in fact VERY smart. Gordon was so much more than smitten. Gordon was basically in love. 

This was interrupted by someone knocking at the door. Tommy looked back and sighed, hands a mess. Gordon stood up from his spot. 

"I can get it, don't worry!" Gordon said, trotting back to the front before Tommy could object. Joshua was still happily playing with Sunkist. He smiled softly, before opening the door. 

He didn't know how to react to the man in front of him. 

He had long black hair in what was absolutely a mullet, and one eye that was piercing blue that made his heart nearly stop. By all means, the scruffy, strong-looking man was doing something to his already fluttered heart. He quickly noticed the eyepatch and the scarring around the rim but looked away quickly. He didn't want to gawk as a first impression. 

"So you must be Feetman." Said the man, voice immediately lighting some kind of fire Gordon couldn't understand inside him. "Tommy called me over. You can call me Barney."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :) :) :)


	7. Trustworthy Sources

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A discussion on what Gordon needs to do.

Gordon knew within five minutes of knowing Barney that he absolutely hated him. Everything he said was pointed in a way that dug right under Gordon's skin in the worst of ways. 

The first thing was that Barney wouldn't stop calling him 'Feetman'. It was a constant onslaught. 

"So you've got a woods problem Feetman?" The offending man said, and Gordon felt his blood pressure rising already. "Sounds like someone's a lil' pissbaby if these woods are scary."

"Please don't talk like that around my kid," Gordon said rather sternly and the man turned dramatically to see Joshua still playing with Sunkist. "And it's Freeman. Gordon Freeman." 

"Oh, shi- shoot. A kiddo. A lil' fetus." They said, looking at Joshua seemingly much less piercingly than he looked at Gordon. "Just a little baby. Kinda cringe not gonna lie." 

Joshua laughed while Gordon fumed to himself. His son wasn't cringe, what the fuck? Before Gordon realized anything Barney had Joshua laughing and giggling, absolutely amused by the one-eyed menace. 

"Sorry, he's a bit uh..." Tommy started before he was interrupted by Barney. 

"Heeeeeey Tommy. So this is the guy?" Barney said, licking his lips and only infuriating him more. WHY did this man make him so mad, he couldn't take his eyes off him. It was hellacious. 

"Yeah, he- he uh. He lost someone a really long time ago and he's the first to come back." Tommy said, and Barney scoffed. 

"This dude? He looks like he forgets to put on his fu- fricken underwear." Barney at least had the decency to try and censor himself around Joshua. Who was now clinging to Barney's pant leg and tugging soft, looking for a bit more attention. 

"Oh yeah, what you need my little gamer dude?" Barney said, and Joshua smiled wide at being recognized. Goddamnit Gordon realized that Joshua was enamored with him. This was perfect. 

"Are you here to help Dada?" Joshua said and Barney laughed and it made Gordon's bones chill. That was a fucked up fucking laugh what the fuck. 

"Yeah dude, your daddy needs major help. And I'm here to be his hero." Barney said and Gordon cringed. 

"Never say the word daddy again, please," Gordon said and Barney only shrugged. 

"Whatever you say Feetman," Barney says, and Tommy steps back in looking flustered by this in some way. 

"Mr. Freeman needs some help with something around his home... somethings leaving piles of things Barney," He says, and Barney listens quietly. He seemed to have Tommy's respect at least. "Stuff like bones." 

"Oh wow. That sucks," Gordon was a little too stunned to respond before Barney kept going. "I mean it'd be easiest to just get out of town. Or the state perhaps. Just get up and leave. Orrrrrr..." 

"Or?" Gordon said, aggravated with the current situation. Barney shrugged again, before rubbing the back of his neck. God, why was this man ripped? Gordon hated that he was attractive, it only made him madder. 

"You could go into the woods. See what is causing this, maybe do a little ritual to stop it. Maybe like a sacrifice to the forest gods or something." Barney said as Gordon just stared. Barney only stared back. 

"Fine. If you think it would help." Gordon only trusted him because Tommy did. And he felt he could trust Tommy, at least he hoped he could. "But what do you mean by sacrifice?" 

"I dunno. Like a fu- frickin' uh... pig heart. Or some chicken livers. Whatever you think works." Barney said with a snide little grin. Gordon puffed up at it, cheeks feeling warm. He hated this man. He fucking hated him. 

"So what, we trek into the woods and just... dump a bunch of animal parts?" Gordon said and Joshua made a little disgusted noise and Barney just laughed. 

"No way it's just a trek dude. We'd have to camp at least a day, do you know how far back these woods stretch?" Gordon looked down, feeling kind of dumb. "Make a trip of it. Maybe bring the kid to let him get some air and shit. Wouldn't you like to go camping little gamer dude, get daddy to make you some smores?" 

Before Gordon could object to the idea Joshua was cheering and beaming at Gordon, already worked up. 

"Dada can I? I wanna make smores and stuff! We can have a fire!" Joshua started and was rocking on the balls of his feet and looked so excited. And Gordon couldn't say no. 

"Will Joshua be safe if we take him?" Gordon said, looking at Tommy and then Barney. 

"Don't worry Feetman, your kid'll be safe with me around," Barney said, a sharp-toothed grin on his face. "Ain't that right Tommy?" 

"I trust him, Mr. Freeman. For as long as I've known him." Tommy said, looking sympathetically at Gordon and calming his nerves slightly. 

"Fine, fine. We can go into the woods. I'll go and pick up supplies tonight and I guess we can do this tomorrow? It'll be the weekend and it won't seem too weird to my mom." Gordon said, and Joshua cheered again. "I think maybe we need to go now... Sorry, I couldn't stay for lunch Tommy, but I guess I need to get ready for this before any stores start closing." 

"It's alright! I can use most of it for leftovers tomorrow! And Barney and I can eat some today so it isn't too much." Tommy said and Gordon felt a ping of jealousy in his heart. Damn Barney, getting to share his lunch with Tommy. And they looked so smug about it too. 

"Oh sweet, lunch with my favorite dude," Barney said with a grin on his face that made Gordon's insides curdle. "What a perfect day. " 

Perfect fucking day indeed. Gordon sighed, grabbing his camera and moving to pat Joshua's back to tell him it was time to go. Joshua complied before waving happily to Tommy and Barney. Gordon hated how immediately Joshua loved Barney. It was going to drive him absolutely mad. 

"I'll see you guys here I guess. If that's alright with you Tommy," And with a smile and nod from Tommy, he felt better about this. Tommy was going to be the driving force behind Gordon's compliance with this. He'd be the rock he needed right now. At least, in his mind, he would be. 

And like that, Gordon was out the door, thinking everything was going to be fine now. They had a plan now. 

What Gordon didn't hear was what was happening the moment he was gone.

"I don't like this..." Tommy said, hugging his arms to himself as 'Barney' paced a bit. 

"Don't worry Tommy, it's going to be all good. Just gotta keep it up a bit more for me." He said with a wolfish look on his face. "Everythings going according to plan." 

Tommy sighed, his frown only deepening. The other quickly came over to him and gently touched his arm in an attempt to give some comfort, only making Tommy bite his lip even more. 

"Gordon's not going to like this..." He finally said and looked into the other's cold blue eye that twinkled like a tiny light entrenched in darkness. Tommy was so much more than just worried. 

"I really hope you know what you're doing Benrey."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HE HE HE :) 
> 
> ALSO THANK YOU FOR ALL THE COMMENTS I WISH IT WAS EASY TO RESPOND TO EACH ONE AAA....


	8. A March into the Foliage

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A trek into the woods starts very innocently.

Gordon spent a long while getting supplies.

Gordon could be a bit of an over prepper with these kinds of things. He piled in what he thought he needed for a camping trip and added those extra little things that the butcher was looking at him very oddly for even asking for. But that was his life for this weekend. He would do this, see if it worked, and be done with it all. 

He wanted to be prepared as much as possible and Joshua just really liked Walmart. A little too much for his liking, but he let Joshua go through the toy aisle as he kept a keen eye on him. Joshua quickly came back to his side with a soccer ball in hand. Gordon went ahead and put it in the cart, reasoning that Joshie didn't have many toys at the moment and he could treat him at least a bit. 

Joshua seemed much more excited than Gordon, and after all, this was his first camping trip. Gordon smiled fondly as Joshua talked about smores and seeing bears and deer, as his mind wandered to camping when he was a kid. 

He glossed over the more unsavory parts with his father, before his brain went to him again. Benrey... The Elusive figure haunting him. He sighed as he let Joshua pick out snacks as his brain let him play catch up with another memory. 

He thinks they were camping, or the very least back in those woods pretending to camp. Daylight shimmered through the leaves and it felt like it was fall. The little chill in the air and jackets being pulled tighter. A bright green tent and laughing as they tried to make a fire. A stolen lighter and little secrets swapped between each other. Gordon smiled so softly at these little memories. 

He snapped out of it when Joshua put the third bag of marshmallows into the cart. 

He gave his son a kiss on the head as he put one bag back and grabbed the chocolate and graham crackers from the higher shelves. Joshua seemed pleased with everything, having no clue what was really going on. 

When they got back home his mother still hadn't returned, and nothing else had appeared in the backyard. He settled down with Joshua after putting away everything for the time being. Another night of cuddling gently on the couch and watching silly cartoons. 

It wasn't long before Gordon realized it was morning. He was discombobulated as he looked around with Joshua still tucked into his arms. He didn't even realize they'd accidentally fallen asleep. Maybe it'd been the stress or something? He didn't think much further on it. 

Gordon quickly got to work getting everything together and putting together what they needed into the car as he let Joshua sleep a bit more. Then it was medicine, cleaning himself up, and going to grab what he and Joshua needed for the little camping trip. He quickly got everything ready and decided to get started on breakfast. It didn't take long for Joshua once again to sleepily make his way to the kitchen and cling to his dad while he cooked. 

A few biscuits later and they were both back inside the car and driving to Tommy's cabin again. Joshua was more than excited and was already babbling to him about 'Mister Barney' and Gordon knew this would be one of the longest weekends of his life. 

When he pulled up he already saw Tommy and Barney standing outside, Barney looking smug and Tommy just looked... Tired. Gordon assumed that's what Barney did, just drained people. He knew he was drained just looking at him. 

Barney was wearing something right from the eighties, ripped jeans and hiking boots, and a Metallica crop top and some kind of flannel wrapped around his waist. He was infuriatingly sexy and it only made Gordon grumpier. That also wasn't helped by Barney hanging off of Tommy, who had an arm wrapped around the irritating little man. 

It only now hit Gordon that they might be a thing. Which made Gordon only a little sad. Only a little. Joshua rushed out of the car to the two of them, smiling wide and rambling to himself. Gordon, on the other hand, was trying to get everything from his car before Tommy finally came over to help. 

"Joshua's really excited, huh?" Tommy said, helping Gordon grab the icebox filled with various meats and animal parts, and Gordon smiled. 

"You should have seen him as we were shopping last night. He was so excitable, surprised the little dude crashed as he did." Gordon said, smiling softly. "We both did, really. Just crashed on the couch before either of us could really get ready. I didn't even hear my mom come home at all." 

Gordon knew he was rambling, but it seemed like Tommy didn't mind. Actually, he was smiling tenderly as Gordon talked and it only made Gordon's butterflies in his stomach grow. Gordon eventually got too flustered to think straight as Tommy said something and he could only let out a soft 'huh' in response. 

"I said are you ready for, yunno..." and Tommy gestured to the icebox currently full of various weird meats that made Gordon shiver. 

"Unfortunately. You don't wanna know the looks I got getting all of this." Gordon said, and Tommy giggled. It made Gordon absolutely lose his mind and his chest felt like it'd burst from all the butterflies in it. 

"Hey, are you nerds ready?" Barney yelled to them, as Joshua clung to his leg. Gordon wanted to tell Joshua to get off but he looked so pleased with himself that Gordon couldn't bear to do it now. He grumbled softly and let Barney take hold of the icebox and- 

Oh, he... he was very strong. Gordon watched his muscles flex and a hot flash of attraction went over him. He had to admit that was always a very sexy thing that happened. The smirk on Barney's face quickly wiped that feeling away. 

Gordon realized he was a bit desperate for affection, perhaps. 

"We're mostly going on a little path, so you little babies can keep up," Barney said with a laugh from Joshua. "And then we can split off from the path after a bit..."

Barney continued on as they loaded things onto a little wagon Tommy had scrounged up apparently. It was painted yellow, chipping apart here and there and Gordon thought that once again, Tommy had the cutest things. 

The icebox went into it easily and Tommy gladly took the handle. After fitting a few more items, Gordon put on the backpack he'd prepared. He was absolutely ready for anything. At least, he hoped he was. They had tents, seemingly everyone had sleeping bags, and they had plenty of food. Gordon even had gotten a hatchet. 

He grabbed his recorder, still sitting in the front seat of his car, and clung to it tightly. Barney looked at him, cocking his head. Gordon flushed pink at the odd look in Barney's eye and keep his own eyes down. Stupid Barney. 

The moment they started on their trek, Barney was rambling away. The problem was that Gordon had no fucking clue what the hell he was talking about. 

"Heavenly Sword is not, in fact, a copy of God of War and-" And Gordon stopped listening. But Joshua nodded and cooed with interest, which only goaded Barney on more. He was like a fountain of knowledge for a game Gordon had no clue existed. If he didn't hate him, he'd think it was cute. 

Tommy seemed to be listening as well, leaving Gordon to his own thoughts. So he stared up into the trees, the morning light soft and gentle. He likes the way the breeze felt and the warmth of the sun. A memory of laughter echoed in his head and he sighed. There was a softness to him today. He felt calmer than he had been in years, despite the circumstances. Every now and then he pointed his camera up at a bird or a squirrel and just enjoyed the moment. 

The moment he was currently having with a little chickadee in a nearby branch was immediately ruined by a loud yell from a somewhat familiar voice. 

"Hello, Gordon!" 

"Mr. Coomer?" Gordon said, flipping to the direction of the voice. 

On the opposite side of a small patch of trees was Mr. Harold Coomer, accompanied by another older gentlemen that Gordon didn't quite recognize. 

"Harold you can't just yell at random people in the woods-" Said the shorter, rather skinny looking man with thick glasses and rather grumpy looking expression. He was cut off by the fact Coomer had started making his way to Gordon, waving happily to the stunned father. 

"Gordon my boy! How have you been- Hello, Tommy!" Coomer said, wide grin only growing as he noticed Tommy and the taller man smiled with glee. "What a menagerie to meet in the forest!" 

"What are you doing out here Mr. Coomer?" Gordon said, curious as the man came close. Coomer very quickly patted his arm and holy shit, Mr. Coomer was stronger than he thought. He might just get a bruise from that pat. 

"Well, I and my dear Bubby take a trip every weekend! And this weekend felt like one for fresh air and adventure, Gordon!" Mr. Coomer absolutely seemed the type to hike through the woods on weekends. He looked different from the encounter at the antique store, much brighter and cheerier. The change from semi-formal to cargo shorts and a Hawaiian shirt helped with that transition. Not to mention he was buff to high hell. Jesus, why was everyone buff? 

"Harold, who even are these people?" said presumably Bubby, who had wandered over with a little effort. He was thin as a rake and looked much grumpier up close. "They look like ruffians. I like that." 

That made Barney snort, only gaining attention on himself. Something strange crossed over Coomer's face, but he proceeded to beam at the man. "Well, won't you two introduce your friend?" Coomer said, hands on his hips and backpack jangling. Bubby seemed to roll his eyes and cross his arms, and Gordon had a feeling they'd be here a while. 

"Barney." was all that came from the man trying to lead them deeper into the woods, avoiding being looked at. 

"Barney! A lovely name for a lovely young man." Coomer said, and Gordon couldn't help but snort. 'Lovely' was certainly a word for him. Barney apparently heard the snort, giving him a quick look. 

"Harold, we're uh... going on a little camping trip! Gordon even brought his son." Tommy said, and Coomer practically exploded in delight, finally seeing Joshua. 

"Well hello there! I'm Mr. Coomer, young man." He said, and Joshua peeked from behind his hiding spot behind Barney. 

"I'm Joshie..." was his little reply, and Gordon smiled. Joshua immediately left his spot hiding and came closer, and Coomer and he hit it off. Coomer had a strange grandfatherly quality to him, and Joshua loved it. 

"At this rate, he's going to want to joi-" Bubby started to say to Gordon, a fondness on his face despite the annoyance in his voice before Coomer cut him off. 

"Gordon, Tommy, would you mind if we join your little group?" Coomer said, and Bubby pinched his nose, uttering a small 'called it.'.

"Well, I, uh. Sure?" Gordon said, before looking at Tommy and Barney. Tommy just shrugged, while Barney just looked away. Barney seemed kind of distant in all of this. 

"Then it's settled! We'll join your little party! We even have a nice little camping spot deeper in, if you'd like to check our map!" Coomer said as Bubby pulled the map from his own bag. It was quickly tossed to Tommy, and then to Barney, who just mumbled and studied the map carefully. 

"Yeah, it's on the way. Probably better than the place I thought about setting up camp." And he was back to being quiet again. Something about the sudden disposition change made Gordon a bit nervous, but he couldn't pinpoint it. 

"Huzzah! Then it's all settled!" Coomer said with a big grin. "Coomer and Bubby have joined the team!" 

Gordon laughed, a smile on his face. Maybe things were looking a bit more positive now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3c


	9. And the Blocks start Falling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A form of Bonding occurs, and Gordon vents to someone.

Gordon liked having Coomer and Bubby come along, he realizes. Coomer is friendly if not a bit forward, which Bubby was much snarkier and prone to outright bitchiness that was easily betrayed by whatever look was on his face. Which was mostly a relaxed little look punctuated by a brow furrow or a little pout. 

It helped that Joshua immediately took to them, rambling happily as Coomer would listen and interject with his own little ideas, and Bubby would proceed to tell them something absolutely wild in comparison. Tommy only added to it all, interjecting with his own little remarks that made Joshua giggling. 

This left Gordon trailing up towards the front now, with Barney. It was somewhat quieter, as Gordon continued with the absentminded filming of his surroundings. Barney would look at him every now and then before quickly looking away, only making Gordon annoyed. But he'd try to keep his cool, tried to keep calm. There was still an infuriating little nugget inside him, of course. 

Barney was the first to say something. At this point, they were a bit more ahead of the others, the laughter and giggling just fading from earshot. 

"So why are you really wanting to come in these woods?" Barney asked, and it startled Gordon. "Can't be just because of piles of weird shit." 

Gordon frowned, debating if saying 'It's none of your business' was the right choice. But despite how irritating he was, Barney was indeed helping them. 

"I... I started remembering someone. From when I was a kid." Gordon said, and Barney hummed, nodding. "I want to know if maybe this can help solve some things. I don't know, it's been like... what thirteen years? I just know that..." 

Gordon's quiet for a moment, as his brain scrambles to describe how this all made him feel. He never really gave himself a moment to think about this fully. He let out a sigh and rubbed his eye. It was honestly too draining to think about but he knew he needed to. 

"I miss him. I don't know why I do, I can't remember everything but... I miss him so much. That sounds pretty stupid, huh?" Gordon says with a weak chuckle. 

Barney doesn't even look at him as he walks a bit more ahead. 

"It's pretty fucking stupid." 

It leaves Gordon stunned enough that the others catch up to them, smiling and laughing as Gordon just stands there a minute. Why the fuck was this man being so aggressive towards him? At least Gordon tried to be civil with him. He was cut out of his thoughts as Joshua hugged him from behind, and his hand gently went to rub through his son's curly locks. 

"Dad, Mr. Bubby said he's gonna teach me how to start a fire!" And Gordon snorted. 

"As long as you're safe and I can trust Mr. Bubby to not just hand you matches, and we can learn some fire safety." Which made Bubby grumble about something 'Back in his day-' which only made more giggling in the jollier half of the group. 

They didn't see the twisted up frown on Barney's face as he leads them further, nor the soft look of despair ebbing out of his eyes. No one saw the pain slipping from his lips. No one was allowed to. Not yet. 

It was an hour or two before they'd finally reached their little campgrounds. By this point, Gordon forgot the conversation between him and Barney, replacing it with fun hypotheticals and learning things about the others. 

"It's nice to not be the only Doctor in the group," Gordon said, and Bubby scoffed at him playfully. 

"I'm a real doctor, little nerd boy," Bubby said, looking proud of himself and Coomer wrapped an arm around him. "I saved more lives than you could ever imagine." 

"Including mine!" Coomer said, pressing a kiss into his husband's shoulder, and Bubby made a little noise. Gordon tilted his head, about to speak, but Coomer already started up his story. 

"Picture it, Gordon! An archeological dig, precariously set in a disastrously holey area. We had a medical team on hand due to fear of snakes and other nasty little creatures filled with venom!" And Gordon nodded as Coomer continued. "I had just divorced my wife you see, and I was in a stupor. I wasn't paying attention when my life flashed before my eyes as my boot was entrapped-" 

"He stepped in a hole and twisted his ankle." Bubby piped up and Coomer only giggled. 

"But you were on the scene! Your gorgeous blue eyes and those pretty gold frame glasses you used to wear. And those pretty locks-" Bubby was turning red at this point. "You were perfection, my dear heart. The way you yelled obscenities at me, I knew I'd finally found my heart and soul." 

Bubby made a fake retching sound, and Gordon laughed and smiled softly at the two of them. Gordon felt a bolt of jealousy run through him. He wished he had that much love from someone, or even just had the way Coomer looked at Bubby. A sour feeling started in his chest, but he bit it back. He couldn't think about him right now. 

It took a while for them to get ready, setting up tents and chatting all the while. Tommy seemed like an expert, helping everyone with their tents with a smile. Gordon hadn't been camping in so long so the setup process was a bit lost on him. He at least remembered to nail down each stake. Something told him that was very important. 

Gordon had personally fetched the firewood, hatchet in hand, and logs under his other arm. It had been a bit of a workout but it had been nice, especially with Joshua collecting sticks for kindling. He could feel Barney's eyes on him as his tank stuck to his chest from the little task. He put his flannel shirt back on, and the feeling of being gazed at was gone. 

Bubby was keen on showing Joshua how to deal with a fire and Gordon watched warily. Which he realized maybe wasn't warranted, Bubby was doing good with Joshua. Very naturally showing Joshua each step, and how to be safe. It didn't ease any fear of this causing Joshua to become a bit of a pyro, but at least they were being safe about it. 

"You and Bubby must have some experience with this, huh?" Gordon says as he and Coomer sat a bit away watching, taking a rest from having put everything up.

"Oh we camp all the time, it's a natural thing at this point!" Coomer said with a chuckle, and Gordon shook his head. 

"No, I mean kids," Gordon said, gesturing to how carefully Bubby showed Joshua how to skewer a marshmallow. "You guys are naturals."

Gordon immediately noticed the somber look on Coomer's face, and pure guilt washed over him. 

"No, we..." Coomer started, hands fretting. "We did. Once. We lost him much too early. "

Gordon frowned, only feeling worse. Before he could say his apologies, Coomer kept going. 

"Goodness, it's been a long time. I suppose some things just come to you despite so much time passing," Coomer said before he smiled softly. He gently went to pat Gordon's hand, which was picking at the armrest of his fold-out chair. "Don't fret Gordon. It's quite alright."

They sat for a moment, Coomer's hand gently touching Gordon's, and Gordon just absorbed it all. Gordon barely heard Barney behind them, a little noise leaving him. He turned his head to look, but it seemed like the other man was already walking away, hands clenching open and closed. 

Gordon didn't like his attitude problem. That was for sure, especially when in Gordon's eyes no one had really done anything. He couldn't even begin to guess what was going through the pale man's head. So he huffed and went back to watching his son until the sunset started to settle in and the sky went from blue to orange to red and finally deep purple into black. 

By this point everyone was making food by the fire and Joshua was already doing his best to make smores for everyone. It was precious as he carefully went to work, wanting to make snacks for his Dada's 'friends'. They were all different quality, and each one made Gordon exceedingly proud of his little boy. 

He promptly enjoyed his own smore as Joshua went around handing them to everyone. Gordon didn't pay full attention till Joshua was standing at the edge of their circle, looking into the treeline. Gordon looked in the same direction, seeing a figure and realized it was Barney. 

Barely visible from the glow of the fire, Barney was just sitting on a log and looking out into the woods. And Gordon knew that Joshua wouldn't dare step any closer, he was terrified of the dark. So Gordon sighed. Maybe he could make amends with this. He came over gently to Joshua, taking the smore and gesturing for him to go back and join the others. 

It was a moment before Gordon made it to the log, and he noticed that Barney had barely moved. Breathing in slowly, not making a lot of noise. He plopped down on the log, making their head whip to look at him with a one-eyed scowl. Before Barney could start anything, Gordon was quick to get in his bit first. 

"Look, I don't know what you have against me. But Joshua really seems to enjoy talking to you," Gordon starts, and Barney keeps his mouth shut and only glaring. "And he made you this. He's a bit scared of the dark so. Here." 

Gordon hands over the smore, marshmallow and chocolate oozing out the sides. Barney looks at it, as his expression softens. He takes it, very carefully from Gordon. It honestly looked like he was taking every molecule of his being not to snatch it from Gordon. 

"Thanks..." It was quiet, but Gordon still heard it. This was progress in a roundabout way. "He's a, uh, a good kid." 

"Yeah, he really is," Gordon said and leaned back a little bit. His mind drifted as he looked from Barney to the forest. It was a strange kind of eery darkness. In a way it was entrancing, especially when every now and then a lightning bug would light up, distracting him further. 

"Who's his mom?" Barney finally asked, making Gordon jump. He then let out a small laugh, only making Barney's head tilt.

"I uh, no he. He doesn't have a mother." Gordon said, leg bouncing softly. "I'm not really uh... straight." 

"Thought so," Barney said, and before Gordon could answer he kept going. "So where's his other dad then? He probably wouldn't like you running around the woods with a bunch of dudes you barely know. Pretty weird to anyone, my dude." 

"He'd do a lot more than just be mad," It's offhanded and Gordon can't help but go up to feel his arm gently, remembering old scars still fading away. "Luckily he has no fucking clue where we are." 

He looks back at Joshua with that, eyes flickering to sadness and Barney's only staring more. 

"He was a pretty bad dude huh?" Barney finally says, and Gordon shrugs. "Like, super bad?" 

"The worst," Gordon grumbled, and Barney started doing that thing with his hands again. It reminded Gordon of a cat kneading something, for some reason. "I moved back here to try and find a safer place for Joshua." 

"Oh." It was simple, and Barney shifted slightly. "Serves the dude right. Joshua's pretty cool, yunno for being your kid. Nasty people don't deserve nice stuff." 

Gordon couldn't but smile at that. It was sweet in a yet again, very roundabout way. Gordon sat another moment before Barney made a noise. 

"You... this town is pretty shit, and yunno there's probably way better places for a hot Dilf to end up," Barney said, as Gordon was thankful for the fact it was pitch black because he could feel the heat in his face at that comment. "But uh. Yunno, it's nice meeting you and stuff. Even if you're kind of a huge nerd." 

"Thanks... Thanks, Barney." Gordon said, and he got a slap on the back from Barney that nearly blew the air out of his lungs. 

"Look just know that things might get kinda weird from here on. Like super fucking weird." Barney said, looking back out into the darkness. Gordon's eyes followed his, and they both stared into that felt like the inky abyss. 

"As long as we do what we need to, it's fine. Maybe we'll even find out something about Benrey, huh?" Gordon said, which was followed by silence. Gordon would have pressed but something told him not to, as he simply got up. 

"I'm going to get Joshua ready for bed. You sleep good, okay?" and all he got in response was a shrug. 

He was going to chalk this up to a win, as he walked away. Barney was weird, for sure. Maybe even a little antagonistic, but he didn't seem to have any real venom to him. And that was just fine by Gordon, as long as Barney wasn't outright malicious he was fine. 

It didn't take long for Joshua to get wrangled into bed and the others weren't far behind, all fleeing to their tents. Gordon looked out, seeing Barney on the log again. He sighed, at least hoping he'd get to bed at some point. And then he counted tents and realized there wasn't one for the man himself. Gordon sighed. Fuck. 

Gordon waltzed back to Barney's log, and gently nudged Barney. The paler man whipped his head to look at Gordon and tilt his head. 

"Hey, where exactly are you sleeping tonight?" Gordon asked, and Barney's eye widened. 

"Oh uh. I guess I won't sleep." Barney said, shrugging. 

"Dude, no. No, you- God I can't believe I'm saying this," Gordon sighs. "Come on and uh... join me in mine." 

Barney was quiet. He stood up, hands doing the cat motion again. "Fine." 

Gordon leads him back to the tent, quickly crawling in as quiet as possible. Joshua was already conked out and he didn't want to wake him up and snuggled in close. Barney peaked his head in, cautious. Gordon let out a sound, waving him in. Barney slowly crawled in, opting to squeeze in on the foam Gordon had laid out originally for him and Joshua to sleep on. 

It was a moment before Barney was fully in, tentative movements showing how nervous he was to enter. Gordon scooted a little closer to Joshua to give Barney a bit more room. Slowly but surely, they squeeze right in, getting a blanket thrown over them. 

"'Night. Sleep good, okay?" Gordon said, and Barney mumbled something he couldn't quite hear. 

Gordon quickly fell asleep, the warmth of being between Joshua and Barney making the ease into rest faster. 

Gordon woke up to a sound like thunder and the surrounding area shaking. Panic shot through him and he moved his hand to grab at Barney to get up. However, upon impact with the bare ground, he assumed Barney had snuck out of the tent while they were sleeping. 

His other hand went forward and something sickening hit him, nearly making him scream. 

Joshua was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i had anxiety posting this one so :)


	10. The rising sun

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> tw for panic attacks || Gordon's not doing great!

Gordon scrambles out of the tent, and the others were already scrambling out as well all with their own levels of fear and confusion. His eyes were wide and panicked, and he looked at them and then noticed they were all looking out at the woods. 

Terror was gripping his heart, as he looked in the woods, and his heart only sunk more. The trees on that part of the woods looked like they'd been crashed through and mangled in the light of the flashlight Coomer had pulled out. It was horrific and Gordon barely heard Bubby swear, confused. 

Gordon didn't think much longer, bolting out of his tent and running towards the carnage. He heard Tommy call his name but he didn't care. 

"JOSHUA?" He screamed, bare feet hitting the grass and leaves and he put his hands over his mouth to call out louder. "JOSHUA!" 

There was the terror that only a parent could know at this moment in his heart, and he screamed Joshua's name over and over as he ran only deeper and deeper. 

His mind raced at what could have happened. Both Barney and Joshua were gone. Did Barney take him? He had to have, it was all his mind could come to. He screamed, loud and feral and angry. He let that bastard into his tent! He slept next to him! 

Gordon was angry, and the sound of the group behind him did nothing to help. They called for him, asking him to come back and he just kept running. His mind was racing and his anger and fear only grew. He was going to kill Barney. 

At some point in his blind wandering, he stepped on nettles and nearly keeled over in pain, the sharp stinging phasing him for a moment. But he kept walking and going, trying not to pay attention to the feeling but he was starting to lose traction now. 

He was also starting to realize just how lost he was. His eyes were trained forward but the moment they left that path, his heart jumped into his throat. It was pitch black, morning somewhere on the horizon but not close enough. The sudden fear beating out the adrenaline pumping in his veins. His son was gone, Barney was gone, he was lost in the forest and things were fucked. 

He couldn't help but start crying. 

Crying in the woods wasn't his finest moment, but maybe this wasn't his best moment at all. He hadn't felt this level of anguish in a while, as he gripped at his own arms. He felt like he was dying, chest tightening till he couldn't breathe. He slowly collapsed to his knees as a choked little sob rang out. 

Gordon just didn't know what he was supposed to do now. Everything was collapsing on his, his mind turning and twisting itself in agony. He hadn't got this bad since he decided to leave Brett. The bile in his stomach churned once more as he thought maybe Brett was right, he was a bad parent who didn't deserve a child- 

Luckily something caught his eye, a light in the distance. His thoughts stopped as he scrambled back up, his voice in his throat as he ran towards the eerie blue light. He hoped, prayed that it was Barney. Whether it would be to strangle Barney or sob and hold his son would be the question of the night.

The dazzling glow of the blue lights, however, never seemed to grow closer. Always slightly off into the distance and shimmering like distant stars. It was making Gordon's mind turn as his hope slowly faded into fear. He did notice one thing. The sounds around him shifted from the eerie noises of a night forest to near silence except for a distance sound. 

It felt like a siren's call. A soothing tone that once he finally lends his ear to it, it began to soothe the fears in his heart. It was such a strange calmness as well. It made his body slow to a halt, the stinging of the nettles stopping almost immediately. He just wanted to listen for a moment. 

And then it began to fade, and every fear raced back into Gordon's beating heart. The light seemed farther now and he had to will his legs back to life. It seemed that that moment of calm had renewed some vigor in him, at the very least. His legs ran faster than before and he ignored the pain in his feet. 

It wasn't long before things started feeling strangely familiar. His brain couldn't place it at first as he didn't dare slow his pace. It wasn't until it really hit him did he know where he was. The sun had slowly started rising and there was a strange chill in the air, and finally, he could truly see his surroundings. 

He knew this part of the woods. The way the trees bent and shook in the slight breeze brought back memories that raised bile into Gordon's throat. This place made him feel sick as he started tripping over himself in an attempt to slow down. The way the old stream twisted like an ancient scar only worsened as the cool gray morning light showed him something right from his nightmare. 

The falling apart old bridge was like a totem taunting him with its innocent appearance. It seemed ancient in his dreams and it seemed even more so now. And yet somehow it still stood exactly where it did all those years ago. It made Gordon shudder as his brain screamed he should turn around. 

But he needed to find Joshua. He needed to find his son. He kept going, admittedly a bit more cautious. He stepped on the bridge and a shudder went down his spine. His hands traced over the railing and it made him cringe internally. His hands brushed over something and he paused. 

Gordon traced over something carved in the wood, brows furrowing together. Under his fingertips was a small B + G and he felt his heart sink. He would have thought more about it if he could have. But sadly, any thought was smacked out of him. 

Quite literally, as a large branch crashed into his head. The only thing he heard before he passed out was a small "Ah, shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I took a lot of breaks and sorry it's only going to get worse before it gets better.


	11. scattered memories like a far off dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A scattered dream like a far off memory-

"Ah, shit." 

That was all Gordon heard before his mind went black. And blackness was where his mind stayed before wandering off into the ever-expanding vault of unspoken memories. This one of the very bridge he'd just been clobbered on. 

The day was golden and beautiful, a smile on his face, feeling a bit older than the last memory. The flash of a pocket knife shocked him, as Benrey, sweet sweet Benrey, carved their initials carefully into the bridge's decaying wood. Benrey was talking away, something that Gordon wasn't paying attention to. He was just staring at Benrey, an inkling of something growing in his heart. He didn't know what it meant then, too young to fully understand some concepts yet.

"They say that there are monsters past here," Benrey says, a childish beam on his growing face. He looked at his handy work, proud of the crude initials. "my dad even says there's like... fairies and stuff." 

"I thought your dad was a scientist? Fairies aren't sciencey." He cringed at his own voice, hating the way he sounded back then. Benrey only scoffed at him, a smirk on his face. Gordon pouted, knowing Benrey was about to say something that would probably get him punched in the arm. 

"My dad's super smart. He knows way more than yours." And Gordon's face sours and Benrey immediately shrinks. Gordon was... touchy about this subject. Even today, really. "I mean anyone is smarter than your dad. Like, even me." 

This distracted the young tween, and he gave Benrey a little nudge. "I dunno, you did break your arm cause you thought that you could slide down a tree branch after we watched Tarzan-" 

Benrey gently shoved back and laughed, and that feeling came back as they began to tussle for a bit. God, how old were they then? Gordon had to assume they'd only just became tweens. He remembered that outfit, one his mother had to approve of before he went out. The obnoxious floral print in pinks too bright for any normal human would probably scar him for years. His mother never really understood what he wanted.

Benrey understood, at least. Gordon watched as they collapsed on the bridge, breathless but still doing their best to giggle and play. Benrey nudged him, smiling. "Now we're kings of the forest. Claimed it just for us. Signed with our initials." 

"What will we do with the forest now that we're kings?" Gordon said, the joy in his chest swelling. Benrey beamed at him and his own smile only grew wider.

"My first royal decree is uh... we can get PlayStations!" Benrey said, and Gordon laughed. "And we can do whatever we want. Be anything. Do anything. Stay here forever." 

"I dunno about that. As much as I like it here, I also like McDonald's and my bed and my brothers." Gordon said, scooting to the edge of the little bridge, legs going over the side so he could dip his toes in the water. Gordon mused he always seemed to be barefoot this far out. 

"Yeah, I guess. My dads wouldn't like me living out here I guess." Benrey said with a little sigh, leaning onto Gordon and doing the same as he did, legs kicking out gently. "Maybe we can be part-time kings. We can go home when we're done hanging out." 

Gordon laughed at that, leaning his head against Benrey's. Part-time kings didn't sound so bad. 

And then he woke up, his head pounding to high heaven. He could feel a warmth trickling into his hair making him feel wet and sticky, and the morning light had grown brighter and was currently beaming right into his eyes. The pulse of his head wasn't stopping anytime soon, as far as he could tell. 

Oh god, wait, Joshua- 

He tried to surge upwards, only to be met by strong hands holding him back. He panicked, arms starting to swing out of sheer terror. 

"Mr. Freeman! Mr. Freeman, it's me!" It was Tommy, who's grips seemed so impossibly tight for someone so gentle looking. Gordon slowed, still trying to yank his arms from Tommy. 

"My son, Tommy, Tommy he-" He was shushed by Tommy quickly, who looks behind himself and looks more concerned about whatever he was looking back for than for himself or Gordon. 

"Mr. Freeman, please calm down." Tommy's voice was stern, hands moving to Gordon's shoulders. This gave something Gordon could focus on as Tommy looked over him. "You're bleeding." 

Gordon hadn't even noticed, as his hand went up to touch the wetness going down his face. It was absolutely blood. "Someone... someone knocked me out. Fucking smacked with a branch or something." 

"I can tell, we need to get you back to the camp-" Tommy said before Gordon cut him off. 

"No! Barney- Barney took Joshua!" Gordon said, a rage overtaking him, as Tommy looked dumbfounded. The sheer confusion on Tommy's face made Gordon stall for a moment. "He had to, he was with us in the tent!" 

"No, no no no. B... Barney would never. I trust him, he wouldn't dare do that!" Tommy said, obviously getting worked up. Something seemingly was turning in Tommy's mind, as his grip tightened on Gordon's shoulders. Gordon winced once it got too tight, making Tommy's inner thoughts stop. "Please Mr. Freeman, you have to trust me. Barney would never do something like this-" 

"Then who! Who took my son? Why is Barney gone?" Gordon said, a flame exploding in his chest. He was absolutely feral at this point, taking Tommy's shock to push himself up off the ground and out of his grip. Tommy looked purely shocked, standing up awkwardly along with him. 

"I-I don't know but you have to trust me!" Tommy pleaded, and Gordon balled his fists tight as he felt his blood go down his face and into his beard. Gordon was sure he looked ticked off, but he had to admit, Tommy had really only tried to help Gordon. 

"Fine. If you can prove he didn't take my son then I won't kill him." Gordon said as his voice was still tinged with the rage he felt. Tommy gulped, nodding quickly. Gordon turned, before noticing something. 

Coomer was running full blast towards them, as pale as a sheet and looking sick to his stomach. All of Gordon's rage faded, worry overtaking him quickly. The moment Coomer skidded to a halt, Gordon was by his side quickly. 

"Mr. Coomer, what's wrong?" Gordon asked, and Coomer looked shaken, eyes flickering between Gordon and Tommy before he finally spoke. 

"Bubby... we were looking around the campsite, to see what all had happened. Gordon I..." Gordon felt fear enter his heart, his entire body starting to shake. 

"Gordon we found a body."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha... kingdom hearts

**Author's Note:**

> haha welcome to the ARG au..... this bout to get FU NKY ;) comments are super appreciated rn....


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